A Different Approach to Happiness
The start of the new year is always a good time for reflection and taking stock, setting goals and intentions; all of which can help maintain motivation levels and fill us with a renewed sense of hope for what is to come. While this can have a positive impact on your wellbeing, it can also be problematic when met with a type of ‘if – then’ or ’all or nothing’ thinking. This is what psychologists refer to as the ‘Arrival Fallacy’ - the idea that when you get to the ‘finish line’ then only you will be ‘happy’.
As easy as it is to say we shouldn’t think this way, reality is that we all get caught up thinking along these lines. Take a few moments and think about your own narratives around happiness, filling in the below blanks with the times when you have set a goal or intention for yourself and found yourself saying the following;
I’ll be happy after I do______________.
I’ll be happy when I achieve ____________.
I’ll be happy when I accomplish__________.
With the above thinking, what happens when you don’t achieve your goals? It is all too human to lose motivation for our goals, especially with the days becoming hotter and longer, many people struggle with heat related fatigue, and sleep disturbances or fall sick. The problem with the Arrival Fallacy is that when we don’t achieve our goals, we beat ourselves up and end up with feelings of unhappiness and low self-worth. We label ourselves as ‘failures’ or ‘losers’.
So how do we establish a more healthy and productive relationship to happiness?
1. Shift your Focus
One way is to shift your focus - rather than focusing on the end outcome/goal, we focus on the process along the way. When we allow ourselves to think about the journey towards our goals, it helps shift your attention away from linking achievement to how you feel about yourself, and instead encourages you to think about what else you gain on the way. Below are some questions to help you think about the journey, rather than just the outcome:
- How is this process benefiting me?
- What am I gaining?
- What makes me happy right now?
2. Focus on the Now
Gratitude: it may sound crazy but cultivating gratitude for the things that bring us joy and improve our wellbeing can increase our overall levels of happiness and feelings of worthiness. Not only does it make us realise what we already have in our lives, but it also challenges the arrival fallacy that we must achieve X goal to be worthy and worthwhile human beings. At the end of the day, you are enough as you are.
3. Set More Goals
According to experts in the field, creating more goals that are linked to different areas in our lives can help us shift our energy, attention, and focus in a more balanced way. As per Tal Ben-Shahar in the New York Times, “If you're consistently stretching yourself, even with accessible micro-goals, you'll be less likely to succumb to that empty but-what-do-I-do-now feeling”. Having many goals can encourage people to not over focus on one area of their lives at the expense of others, creating feelings of stress and emptiness.
When you view your levels of happiness through a more holistic lens, you get closer to living a more satisfying and values-connected life.
