Building Resilience

It is not uncommon for people to feel out of control of their lives following a diagnosis such as MS. In fact it is normal that they go through a process known as the grief cycle, in order to reorganize their thinking and to respond to this new information. The grief cycle is a process which includes the following stages: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Each of these stages are important and normal, and it is common to move in and out of any of these stages randomly.

It helps to develop resilience. Strong resilience is the capacity to bounce back: to cope with the demands placed on oneself in an effective and beneficial manner. It is not a personality trait: resilience can be learned and enhanced. Resilience consists of behaviours, thoughts and feelings, combining to provide meaning.

Resilience can be found in individuals, in couples and in families. Qualities people with resilience have are:

• Commitment to themselves and their relationships
• Appreciation and affection for themselves and others
• Positive communication patterns
• Enjoyable time with themselves and others
• A sense of spiritual wellbeing and connection
• The ability to successfully manage stress and crisis
• Communication patterns with others are mostly open, positive, honest and often with a dash of humour.

One important question to ask is: how have you dealt with past crisis? Past successful experiences will build resilience to future stressful events. However, unresolved issues can resurface during stressful events.

You may also want to ask yourself: what is my expectation of outcome or resolution? Moving through change is much easier when you and your supports or family is working in the same direction. Who is responsible for what happens? There may be some things that are not in your control, so recognise that which you are responsible for and let go of those things which are not in your control. You can only be responsible for yourself, not another person’s thoughts, feelings or behaviours.

Resilient people see new situations as a challenge rather than something to be feared or avoided. They work towards finding meaning and purpose in the problems they face. Keys towards success include maintaining flexibility and balance in your life, step up to the plate to deal with presenting issues, actively seek information and use resources.

Counsellors can help by allowing space for you to be heard, helping you to develop skills to aver/manage crisis, facilitating your reflection and learning, building your strengths and therefore building resilience.